My last few breaths..

The suffering I’m in today.. Come tomorrow I wish to smile this pain away

For I hope not for living the rest of my life withering away everyday

Can’t wait to snuggle up with peace now.. wanna retire from this dismay

Didn’t wanna live nor die this way… The suffering I’m in today!

Cancer it is.. could’ve been anything as my dying patients would say..

I knew it’d come to me too, but not this soon, as probably my nonverbal patients also hoping lay

How did I not appreciate that I could live, smile or dance even in rain until yesterday??

For now to even take a bite, move or utter a word, my breaths last may not or may.

Life was perhaps beautiful.. whatever it was..

Too late for me to realize though.. regret to see that we live only once

How I wish to just once more water my garden, walk my dog, have coffee with my friends, travel to the farthest places

Or count those stars, eat that cake, make up with the ones I might’ve hurt, or wear that red lipstick or that ‘too sassy for me’ dress

Oh Mama take me back within you.. I so need your healing touch..

Life’s so unfair… no matter how I pray, no cure for my illness there is as such..

Life feels too short, but this day’s the longest of my life’s so far.. hurting I’m too much

An unwritten story of my life & death.. only so far I know me or my loved ones can this burden of agony fetch

Didn’t marry, but I loved.. although I lost

Loved but didn’t have my kids, although I could’ve as a mother done my best..

But to know I was there to treat the ones in need, cured some.. still have my heart and soul to the unfortunate rest

I carry no grudges, no regrets, as my family, my friends, my profession have all to my fading life added just the perfect amount of zest

Standing at the door of death

Almost awaiting my last breath

My job’s easier today than the ones who have given me birth

As I’m leaving behind a devastation for them bigger than this life’s girth!

I’m sorry I never meant to hurt you, or leave you ever in tears..

After all, you’ve given me everything.. my life, my identity, all these precious years!

I don’t feel I have the right to leave without your permission, but the callous fact triumphs over all those humanly fears

That I can’t stay no more, I’ve gotta go, dying I’m already at the thought of this as the end of my life nears

-ELIXIR VITAE- A Story of her Love, by Pallavi Aneja MD

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to any characters dead or alive is purely coincidental. The above poem is part of my work of fiction- ELIXIR VITAE.