Love You.. with half my heart!

Love you.. With half my heart..

It was just the beginning of the holiday season in December 2018.

‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year’ , ‘We wish you a merry Christmas’ , there was music playing in the malls, streets, shops, and at home. Letters were being written to ‘Santa’ and the list getting longer each day, justified by the ‘commendable job at school, excellent behavior at home, extra points for putting away shoes in the closet, laundry in the hamper.. ‘ etc etc etc. The longer the latter list was getting, the longer the former list would become, as a result of the adjectives for the remarks and feedback in the blank spaces, filled in on their own with the most superlative degrees of ‘the best’ of anything that would’ve ever existed in this world, for every single ‘accomplishment’ that was being done!

My kids. Festivities around the corner. In fact the most wonderful time of the year.

It was the last day of school before their winter vacation began and they waved goodbye, hugged and kissed their friends and teachers, wishing them all happy holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, getting into the car, all excited to discuss about their plans for the following two weeks off!

The cards they’d exchanged with their friends, the teeny bags of treats they’d brought home in their backpacks, their artwork they’d spent days at making in school were all hastily being unpacked now, already on their way home from school.

We were home in about ten minutes. I’d made sure to remind them to not leave any mess behind in the car, for they knew who was watching them this entire time to decide what would be laying under the tree on Christmas Eve!

They were more than just obedient, that I wished how I could use these simple words to have them clean up the entire year, just like that! It was, as if, I’d been granted a magic wand. A magic wand that actually worked. Plain magic it was! That I would tell them once, or not even that, and things were being done, just as if I’d otherwise yelled and screamed twenty times to do it, or to please not do it.

Now it was my turn to excitedly look through their stuff, their report cards, their Friday folders and the ‘special letter’ my seven year old daughter mentioned every single day about, during the whole month of December. While I was busily going through their inestimable pieces of artwork, the one I was ardently looking forward to reading was again, that letter my daughter had written to me…

With a wide, delightful smile on her face, she now nudging me gently to a side, got it out of her backpack and handed the envelope to me. ‘Mama, can you see this long letter I wrote to you’, she chuckled with happiness, hugging me. ‘I wrote it all by myself, without anyone’s help Mama’. ‘Open it, quick Mama.. read it, it’s just for you..’

Opening the envelope precariously, as she’d asked me to not tear even the cover apart, I got to start reading her letter filled with love and pure joy. It stated how thankful she was to have a mother like me, that how grateful she and her brother are to have their mom cook from scratch for them everyday, despite her being a doctor and that she takes them to school and back and to various activities and puts them to sleep singing her most favorite lullaby.

Reading through it was getting harder, as my eyes moistened up, as I couldn’t help the tears of rejoicing motherhood covering up literally my face, as I got to the last line, I now blinked twice and re-read the sentence which ended the letter abruptly saying, ‘Mama, just wanted to let you know that I love you with half my heart!’

I quickly knelt down by her side, as she stood there the entire time, awaiting my comments about her amazing work, to ask her why she said so.. My immediate response to her letter was that these were the sweetest words I’d ever seen, but.. ‘But what Mama, what happened?’ she asked. ‘But my love, I love you with all my heart.. why wouldn’t you love me the same way too sweetheart.. You mentioned you love me with half your heart.. Why my baby?’

She responded in an instant that because she had to write a similar letter to her Dad as well.. that’s why.

More than that letter, her innocence melted this Mama’s heart. The innocence that made her believe in Santa and magic and that how impartial she needed to be when it’d come to loving each of her parents fairly and equally!

The last holiday season along with what ‘Santa’ got her, I made sure to be able to gift her that small bag of two things – of love and happiness, which she has now learnt, that the more and wholeheartedly we give, we get at least a double of it or more in return. And that even if we don’t get it in return, despite loving with all our heart, which is the only way to love, we still don’t lose anything, as we still have a heart that’s full of love!

My little girl now knows that she can express precisely what she feels, without being unfair, that she loves each one of us with all her heart!